Well, THAT Didn't Take Long!

This is the second time in my nanny career that I've ignored my gut feeling and went with something because I was getting a tad frustrated with the search.

This time, the money was the lure.

So.....I got fired after only working a week. The father called and was very nice, saying that they had been talking extensively and just felt it wasn't a good fit. He went on to assure me that it had nothing to do with my qualifications, as obviously I am very experienced and qualified, nor did it have to do with the way I was caring for the children. The "fit" just wasn't there.

I have to be honest; I am quite relieved, as I was already lying in bed at night, dreading going in and thinking of when and how I would quit this job when the time came because I knew it would come, and soon. I was trying to give it a bit more time, because those first few weeks can be a bit awkward as you get used to the family, and the job. Also, a few more paychecks would have been nice, too, before throwing in the towel.

In the end, I sincerely believe it all boils down to the mother, and whatever mental issues she has. She came across as very emotionally needy, and anxious. I had the feeling from the beginning that I was there for her just as much as the babies. The whole environment was very different than anything else I'd ever worked, and quite uncomfortable. And I am not one to give attention to emotionally needy adults. My job is to care for children which, by the way, also didn't seem to be their primary focus.

My last nanny family told me about the reference call they had received from the father. My former MomBoss told me that she got a strange vibe, and that the father of the current family was more concerned with whether or not I would do housework than how I was with the children. He seemed surprised, my former MomBoss said, when she told him that she didn't require much housework of me, as she wanted me to focus on her children. He was shocked that she allowed me to take the kids on outings, that she ~gasp~ TRUSTED me with her children.

My former MomBoss also told me he had called her three different times, and that she talked to him twice and decided to ignore his third call cuz she had already told him everything he needed to know. The third call he made to her was apparently 2 days after he had decided to hire me, and a day before I actually started.

I also had the suspicion that they were still looking even after I started the job. Their job posting remained up, and I overheard the MomBoss talking to her cook while I was in the other room, and much of what she was sang indicated that they may have still been interviewing people. I wasn't eavesdropping: I was folding the baby's laundry and could actually hear her from where I was.

I am curious if anyone else has worked in an environment where it seemed you were expected to pay more attention to the parent than the kids?

This is the second job I've been fired from in my life, and the first was at 19 when I worked in a Baptist preschool and got pregnant and wasn't married! A couple of years later, they re-hired me and I worked for them for 7 years until I moved out of state.

All I can say is, I am confident that it's not me that is the problem here. Every single family I've worked for, I still have good relations with them.

I think the mother's deep insecurities and unrealistic expectations are the problem.

I mean, come on......I was the 5th nanny they'd hired in 9 months. The first two they claimed they fired. The last one quit suddenly, with no notice. The other is unaccounted for, but obviously didn't stick around long in any case.

What does that say??

New Job, New Family and Uncertainty

Where do I even begin? It's been so long.  I don't even know.

The interview went well, and throughout the weekend, the husband was e-mailing me contracts and tax forms and such. So I corresponded with him mostly, and he was rather easy to correspond with.

Started on Monday and here are my observations from this first week.

The mom is high strung. I kinda knew this going in. She is very regimented and inflexible but, for the sake of me, is trying very hard to appear flexible....but she's not, and I can see through it. 

That's ok. She has hired me to do a job, and I am in her house, so I will do it the way she wants.

They've got cameras everywhere, inside and out, and keep the doors locked at all times. There are alarms on all the doors, so anytime one is opened, there is a chime inside. Listening to her talk about things gives me the impression that she is a somewhat fearful and anxious person. 

I knew already that she doesn't want shoes worn in the house. I wore sandals on my first day and took them off. She mentioned more than once about my bringing socks to the house and leaving them, so I can wear those through the house.

She gets totally uptight if I walk out onto the covered sunroom (brick floor) in my socks, or out into the attached garage in my socks. I need to put shoes on, then take them off again as I am coming in. When carrying in bags from the car in the garage, this is a pain. But, I do it.

They have had 4 nannies already come and go, and the babies are less than a year old. She claims the frost 2 nannies lied and stole from them. This could be true.

The last nanny quit suddenly, by text. She feels greatly betrayed by this, and has been obsessing over it. She told me how she really liked her, and how she was really good with the twins. She told me they were very good to her, gave her the hours she wanted and paid her what she wanted (less than me), although she (the nanny) was very demanding and wouldn't do any extra work outside of simply caring for the babies. Being how the babies are sleeping for 4 hours total between the 8-4 timeframe this woman worked, that's half the working day.

Now, I am willing to do some housework, but I also told them I am not a housekeeper, and I don't expect anything other than the light housekeeping (loading/unloading dishwasher, doing a bit of vacuuming, taking out garbage and changing bags, etc) along with the normal cleanup that comes from the children's care, to be part of my official duties. Many times I will do things beyond light housekeeping, but that is on my own because I feel like it, and it's not something that is usually part of being a nanny. If you want your house cleaned, hire a housekeeper. She tried to give me windows. I told her no. 

She had me sweeping the front porch yesterday. The broom she gave me sucked, plus I am very bad at actual sweeping. This is not a joke. My brain has never been able to organize around how to sweep effectively. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. In my own home, I use floor vas and may sweep small spaces, or spot sweep.

The babies are on a strict schedule. Eat (that takes about an hour to implement), play and sleep. They get a bath every morning. Their naps are from 10-12 and from 2-4 (while I am there), and it doesn't matter if they wake up early, or don't wanna go down. They are in bed from those time periods, regardless.

The house is so NOT child friendly. I am holding my breath to see how that plays out. They have marble everything. Floors, counters. She says that water stains marble, and leaves water spots, so she is ultra obsessed with any spot of water on these surfaces. Mind you, these are surfaces she has chosen for her kitchen counters and her bathroom counters. You know, near sinks and liquid.

Talking to her has been ok, and she is very, very guarded. I've come to realize, tho, that she is someone who is hyper focused on someone's words and mannerisms, and constantly analyzing them for any perceived indication of the slightest negative view of her, or them. 

She's been asking me a lot about my last nanny family, and I have told her about how my job was there. I, personally, think it's a GOOD thing to be on good terms with past employers. I would think that shows how amiable I am, with various families. They seemed to think so too, but she seems to view it as a threat. Like, I think my last family is better. Like I want her and her husband to be like my last family, and am negatively comparing her and hubby to my last family. She said "you talk about them a lot and it seems you miss them."

I talk about them because she outright ASKS about them.

So, after that last statement, she went on to talk about how everyone they know are like them, and that they HAVE to be so regimented or life would be chaotic, and they wouldn't be able to function.

Ummmm......ok? I never questioned your way of life. My last family WAS somewhat chaotic. Well, actually, their household was downright chaos.

I've not asked them to be different than they are. She asked about my job there, and what it entailed and I told her. I pretty much had free rein. Their house isn't like that, and I can adapt to that. The families are different, and that's not negative. But she seems to view this as negative.

So, she asked me yesterday, "So, we are at the end of our first week. What do you think? How are you feeling?"

She asked.

I simply said, "It's very different than what I am used to, and I am still getting used to expectations."

This is true, and not bad. She just has so many rules, and before the family was like "yeah, whatever you wanna do, and however you wanna do it."

It's different, and so getting acclimated will take a bit longer as I learn her dos and don'ts and how tos.

She went on a ramble then, almost crying, really, about how she liked how she was, and they have to run their household this way or it would be chaos, etc etc......

I told her it wasn't negative, that all families are different and do what works for them, and that being "different" wasn't bad, it's just.....different. And different takes time to get used to, is all. It's like anything else, I told her. You get a new boss, and your new boss is different than your old one. It's not bad, but getting used to the different expectations can take a bit of time.

She said it was hard not to take it negatively, cuz it sounded like I loved my old family.

Yes, I did. WHY is that an issue?? I've only known you a week.

It was hard not to take negatively, because I talk so positively about them all the time.

Yes. But ONLY because you directly ASK me. I don't walk around and say "my previous family did it this way, or that way."

Not to mention, she told me that one of the interviewees they rejected BECAUSE she talked so badly about her previous families.

Later, I caught her in the laundry room and said, "Look, don't stress about this. Really."

Again, she almost started crying and was like "The last nanny just did us so badly, and we were really good to her. It's really kinda messed with my head, and I don't want to trust anyone else, or have to go through looking for childcare again."

I just replied with, "I don't want you to be upset and stressing over your perception of what you think I feel. Because, I don't feel negatively about you all. So please do not get yourself all worked up over what you think I am feeling."

Oy!

More.......

She doesn't work. And she doesn't really do much of anything else. I actually think part of the reason for my being there, other than to spare her having to take care of her children, is to also keep her company. She mentioned how she is almost never alone in the house. She has a lady who comes once a week and cooks for her for the week, all of her meals. She sits and talks to her and gossips (apparently they know many of the same people) while the woman is cooking. However, the day before the lady came this week, the mother tossed out all the food this woman had made from LAST week. She didn't eat it. As a matter of fact, she called me on the way to her house on Wed, asking me to stop by a fast food place for her. Yet, she complains about hubby eating nothing but junk, and I've not actually seen her eat any of the prepared food just for her from her personal cook and dietician.

When she leaves, she shops and comes back with a bunch of stuff for the house. 

She told me she "gets in trouble" for spending so much money.

She does nothing during the day but sit around on her phone. One day, she didn't get out of her pajamas until noon.

I mean, that last part I totally relate to! I don't get out of my pajamas either, if I can help it.

We will see how things progress. I am not certain if I will last in this job for long, but damn....the pay is really good. 

LunchTime Frustrations

I've vented my frustration with the employer's pantry before.

It's difficult to come up with lunches each day for the kids that incorporate a complete meal. Already, when I am not here, the kids pretty much graze. A cracker or two here, piece of fruit there, a granola bar, a cereal bar, goldfish or Cheerios sprinkled on the table, maybe a cheese stick.

When I am in the house, we operate with a bit of organization. The little ones sit in their seats for meals. Those seats and countertop gets cleaned, right after their faces and hands are wiped. I try very hard at lunch to include a lean protein, and vegetables. This is because, when I started, the oldest child was the only child. She was a toddler still herself, and ate in this same way. Her food consisted basically of cherry tomatoes, strawberries, cereal, and Gogurts. The child wouldn't eat much of anything else, although at 3 1/2 she has a more varied diet because of what I put before her.

With the twins, I made it a point to offer veggies before fruit. They love broccoli, and even Brussel Sprouts!

What I have the most trouble with is varying up the protein. I'll usually give them half a cheese stick apiece, and a couple of crackers for snack. Or I pull out a yogurt cup and feed them. Those things are almost always around.

At lunch, Momboss seems to think deli meats torn up should suffice. This is not a bad thing to do sometimes, but I find the twins tend to not like it very much. Besides, who wants to eat it everyday?

There is almost never any kind of meat in the house.

The problem is the way the shopping is done. Momboss goes out almost every day to get the few items she may need to make dinner. She may grab some fruit or yogurt, but for the most part, what would give me lunch options is hardly considered.

There have been times I often give her a list and she will pick stuff up.

I guess I need to do that more often. Today, I scrounged up a sweet potato, an apple, and a chicken breast (only in the freezer because I asked mom to buy a bag). I did quick recipe searches and came up with something.

This.

http://lowfatcooking.about.com/od/sidedishes/r/sweetpotatoappl.htm

Except I also added a chicken breast.

Momboss came in after she got back from the gym (and getting HER breakfast out), and said, "yum!yum!" As she watched me chop.

I wanted to say, "you have no food!! Go to the store!"

She'd only come back with her own cereal, special mineral water, and maybe some strawberries.

I know I should have done this sooner, but I think I am going to plan lunches out a week ahead of time and make out lists to give to MB.

I'm Going CRAZY!

This displacement that's been going on since January is wearing on me. It's plain difficult to care for the kids properly.

Momboss says next week the majority of renovations should be completed.

I've taken most of it in stride. I'm adaptable. We've made do. I've nannied at the grandparents' house, kept kids in basement or out of the house for most of the day while extensive work is being done. I've noted in another entry the difficulty in keeping the kids in the basement. Blocking the steps, running upstairs to grab food and bottles or more diapers if we run out. Nobody seems to be able to find the monitors, so when anyone is napping on 3rd floor, I run up and down constantly listening for waking children.

This week, renovations have ramped up. There are stone layers laying the chimney. Guys putting in tile backsplash in the kitchen, as well as finishing cabinets. Painters are here. And the cleaning people came. Really?? Amid the dust covering the floor more every second due to sanding drywall, and smoothing stone? Amid the toys strewn all over from the kids being allowed to drag everything out of boxes at will?

On top of that, every day I come in, basic stuff I need for the kids has been moved. I can't find where the dishes have been put. We are out of whole milk for the toddlers. Bottles are littered throughout every level of the house. And guess what else??

I went to make a bottle for the infant, and can't find any formula anywhere. Thinking it's just been moved, I tore everything apart looking for it. Upstairs, downstairs, looking for boxes that might have any.

Finally texted Momboss.

Oops, we're out. Will bring home more.

I have a screaming, hungry 2 month old!

Sigh.

I really, really hope we are back to some kind of order next week as Momboss promises!

Snakes in the Basement!

So, the last 8-9 months have proven to be very interesting. In that time frame, Momboss announced she was pregnant again (just months after giving birth to the twins), they sold their house and had to give it up for immediate occupancy before finding a house for themselves.

So, we all moved into the grandparents basement for 3 months. During this time, a house they were buying fell through when the owner of the house died and the family decided on different terms for the sale.

It was all chaos.

Eventually, we all made the move to the new house. It had been vacant for quite a long time, however. It was also a very outdated house on the inside. Major renovations started on the outside and the inside. This consisted of knocking down walls, tearing out fixtures, knocking out bricks from the fireplace. I was dealing with crawling babies finding nails, rocks, and pieces of drywall on the floor and joyfully eating it.

The kitchen was barely usable. The dishwasher didn't work so I was doing dishes by hand. I was digging for food, pots and pans and anything else I needed out of boxes since cabinets were being torn out due to a complete gutting of the kitchen. No one had bought any baby gates yet for this 3 level mansion. We were hanging out in the basement all day, eating in the kitchen, and kids were napping on the 3rd level in their rooms. This was a lot of not being able to do some of the most basic of things without worrying about babies climbing and falling down steps. Especially since there was a 3 yr old who did know how to traverse stairs and would sometimes start screaming in her room during naptime (throwing a fit) to having a potty accident in her pants (she went through a horrible regression stage after moving). This would lead me to having to ignore her for a few minutes, since running to check on her immediately would require leaving the babies alone trying to follow me. I would have to take one at a time to the kitchen, strap them in their seats, THEN go run and find out what 3 yr old S needed.

This was exhausting. We spent a good portion of our time out of the house once the weather got nice.

Then enter the snakes.

Momboss came home one day while I was feeding the twins. She went to the basement, where we had just been that morning. She came upstairs in a panic, saying there was a huge snake in the room where the toys were. She called her husband at work. Then she called a pest control company but they were unable to send anyone out anytime soon.

Dadboss ordered Momboss to sit and watch the snake.

"Don't let it get into the walls!" he said. "They'll have to tear all the walls out to get it!"

I told Momboss that was not true, tearing the walls out, but that they'd set traps.

She sat and watched the snake, since Dadboss would not be able to come home for another 45 minutes. She kept saying that she would not sleep in the house with snakes.

45 minutes later, Dadboss showed up. He went straight into the basement.

By this time, the twins were in their beds up on the 3rd level taking a nap. Me and 3 yr old S were in the kitchen.

This is what I heard coming from downstairs:

Dadboss: Let's get this shit taken care of!

Momboss: No, you can't shoot it! You're going to blow a hole in the wall and floor!!

Dadboss: What do you want me to do, then?

Momboss: I don't know, but you can't just shoot. You don't know what's inside of the walls! There could be pipes or.....

Dadboss: I tell you what, then. I am going back to work. When you figure out what you want me to do, then you call me back, okay?

Silence.

I heard footsteps on the stairs as Momboss and a worker from tearing out walls come up the stairs.

Momboss looked pretty pissed and unhappy.

The worker was laughing. "He's got a shotgun out! Cover your ears!"

I moved hastily over to S to put my hands over her ears, and no sooner had I done so, a shot rang out. Then another.

Hole in the Wall where the snake met its demise

"One shot should do it!!" Momboss yelled from the kitchen.

I went to the top of the steps and shouted down into the basement, "I'm NOT cleaning it up!"

I then heard the shop vac start up.

Then Dadboss and Momboss going in and out of the garage with shovels and plastic bags.

I told Momboss that she should call the cleaning lady and tell her we had an "incident" in the basement, and could she come clean up some blood?

She was not amused!

It's Been Awhile!

Wow! I can't believe I left this blog sitting as long as I did!

Actually, yes I can! It's been quite a year, and I've been very busy with that "new" family I mentioned last April.

You know, the one that only had one child at the time? A two year old?

Well.

Since that time, THREE more children have been born into the family. No joke!! So now I have FOUR kids that I nanny. As you can probably imagine, that keeps me pretty busy!

And boy, do I have some stories!

It's been about 18 months since I first started with this family, and I still really like the family a lot! The extended family is also very involved, so I get to see and spend quite a bit of time around them as well. Some people may not care for that, but I really enjoy it. They (the extended family included) all treat me like a part of the family. When Momboss' sister comes in town, I often keep her kids too, for extra pay of course.

Write soon!!

I Don't Understand

I've seen comments and posts in other places about nannies complaining about their market value, and the complaints that those who work for less harm what they want to make, or how they want to dictate what consumers pay.

It's valid, to a degree. I can see someone being upset about their value having gone down. The bottom line is, this happens in the market all the time. None of us ever get, or keep, what we would like to maintain in anything. Housing values fluctuate. Prices of other services, and goods, fluctuate. It's called supply and demand. And when you're the consumer, and prices go down, you like it.

The concept is very simple. When the demand for a particular service, or item, is high and the supply is not high enough to keep up with that demand, premium price ensues. When demand is low, and supply is plenty, the price goes down.

It does get broken down a bit more than that oversimplified paragraph. Let's have an economics lesson, shall we?

1. If demand increases and supply remains unchanged then higher equilibrium price and unchanged quantity. (this means that if more parents suddenly want to hire nannies but more nannies have not entered the market, then nanny wages may go up a bit as parents compete for nannies)
2. If demand decreases and supply remains the same then lower equilibrium price and unchanged quantity. (if less people want/need nannies say, due to a recession ~ahem~ then there will be an overabundance of nannies in the market and the wages one is willing to work for to land a hard-to-get job will be lower - cheaper - as the nannies compete for jobs)
3. If supply increases and demand remains unchanged then lower equilibrium price and higher quantity. (if a buncha nannies suddenly enter the market to compete in the unchanging demand for nannies by parents, wages will decrease as even more nannies compete for the same jobs)
4. If supply decreases and demand remains the same then higher price and lower quantity. (if nannies suddenly decided to pursue other career options and left the market, but the same number of parents need nannies, then wages for nannies will go up because there are fewer nannies to go around and parents want to make sure they attract and keep one; also, nannies will realize if a family does not give them the wage they desire that they have a slew of other families who may )

I get really irked at nannies who try to dictate to others who are willing to work for a certain price that they can not do so because of what THEY want. I get irked at nannies who dictate that parents can not hire someone with qualifications that they (the nannies) do not deem high enough, at a price that both parties agree to, because THEY want to make a certain amount of money at all times. It's like saying, "unless you pay what I think you should pay, then you can NOT have a nanny or personal care provider in your home, even if you and that person mutually agree on the price. I should dictate the pay, not the market. And because of that, people who do not want their kids in daycare should have to do so unless they pay what I say. People who are willing to work for $10/hour (or minimum wage) should NOT be able to get a job as a nanny, which may have more flexibility than another job for the same amount, because I do not like the fact that my field is competitive."  Supply and demand dictates this.

Now, I understand  the whole issue with illegal immigrants, or migrant workers in general. In some areas, this is a big factor in the supply and demand force. If they're legal, what are you gonna do? Bottom line is, you've got supply and demand still at work, and yes it sucks, but it's still how it works. You are only worth what consumers dictate in their willingness to pay, not what you dictate. If consumers are not willing to pay beyond a certain price for services that they can get much cheaper, and with which they are satisfied, then why shouldn't they? I understand it's less than what high-end nannies want, and I understand the complaints.

I just think telling people they can not hire who they want, at the price they want if the supply is there is presumptuous. Lots of people have been out of jobs, and making ends meet in the best ways they know. This means nannies willing to work for less, and parents not willing to pay premium price for the same service they can get cheaper elsewhere.

If two people have an agreement, it's no one else's business. If I am absolutely fine to work for less than $10 an hour, who are you to tell me I can not?? To say two people can not enter into a legal arrangement because it does not measure up to your own standards is arrogant.

Lots of people have lost a lot during the recession. Suck it up and take the hit like everyone else has.

You're not exempt.