Well, THAT Didn't Take Long!

This is the second time in my nanny career that I've ignored my gut feeling and went with something because I was getting a tad frustrated with the search.

This time, the money was the lure.

So.....I got fired after only working a week. The father called and was very nice, saying that they had been talking extensively and just felt it wasn't a good fit. He went on to assure me that it had nothing to do with my qualifications, as obviously I am very experienced and qualified, nor did it have to do with the way I was caring for the children. The "fit" just wasn't there.

I have to be honest; I am quite relieved, as I was already lying in bed at night, dreading going in and thinking of when and how I would quit this job when the time came because I knew it would come, and soon. I was trying to give it a bit more time, because those first few weeks can be a bit awkward as you get used to the family, and the job. Also, a few more paychecks would have been nice, too, before throwing in the towel.

In the end, I sincerely believe it all boils down to the mother, and whatever mental issues she has. She came across as very emotionally needy, and anxious. I had the feeling from the beginning that I was there for her just as much as the babies. The whole environment was very different than anything else I'd ever worked, and quite uncomfortable. And I am not one to give attention to emotionally needy adults. My job is to care for children which, by the way, also didn't seem to be their primary focus.

My last nanny family told me about the reference call they had received from the father. My former MomBoss told me that she got a strange vibe, and that the father of the current family was more concerned with whether or not I would do housework than how I was with the children. He seemed surprised, my former MomBoss said, when she told him that she didn't require much housework of me, as she wanted me to focus on her children. He was shocked that she allowed me to take the kids on outings, that she ~gasp~ TRUSTED me with her children.

My former MomBoss also told me he had called her three different times, and that she talked to him twice and decided to ignore his third call cuz she had already told him everything he needed to know. The third call he made to her was apparently 2 days after he had decided to hire me, and a day before I actually started.

I also had the suspicion that they were still looking even after I started the job. Their job posting remained up, and I overheard the MomBoss talking to her cook while I was in the other room, and much of what she was sang indicated that they may have still been interviewing people. I wasn't eavesdropping: I was folding the baby's laundry and could actually hear her from where I was.

I am curious if anyone else has worked in an environment where it seemed you were expected to pay more attention to the parent than the kids?

This is the second job I've been fired from in my life, and the first was at 19 when I worked in a Baptist preschool and got pregnant and wasn't married! A couple of years later, they re-hired me and I worked for them for 7 years until I moved out of state.

All I can say is, I am confident that it's not me that is the problem here. Every single family I've worked for, I still have good relations with them.

I think the mother's deep insecurities and unrealistic expectations are the problem.

I mean, come on......I was the 5th nanny they'd hired in 9 months. The first two they claimed they fired. The last one quit suddenly, with no notice. The other is unaccounted for, but obviously didn't stick around long in any case.

What does that say??

New Job, New Family and Uncertainty

Where do I even begin? It's been so long.  I don't even know.

The interview went well, and throughout the weekend, the husband was e-mailing me contracts and tax forms and such. So I corresponded with him mostly, and he was rather easy to correspond with.

Started on Monday and here are my observations from this first week.

The mom is high strung. I kinda knew this going in. She is very regimented and inflexible but, for the sake of me, is trying very hard to appear flexible....but she's not, and I can see through it. 

That's ok. She has hired me to do a job, and I am in her house, so I will do it the way she wants.

They've got cameras everywhere, inside and out, and keep the doors locked at all times. There are alarms on all the doors, so anytime one is opened, there is a chime inside. Listening to her talk about things gives me the impression that she is a somewhat fearful and anxious person. 

I knew already that she doesn't want shoes worn in the house. I wore sandals on my first day and took them off. She mentioned more than once about my bringing socks to the house and leaving them, so I can wear those through the house.

She gets totally uptight if I walk out onto the covered sunroom (brick floor) in my socks, or out into the attached garage in my socks. I need to put shoes on, then take them off again as I am coming in. When carrying in bags from the car in the garage, this is a pain. But, I do it.

They have had 4 nannies already come and go, and the babies are less than a year old. She claims the frost 2 nannies lied and stole from them. This could be true.

The last nanny quit suddenly, by text. She feels greatly betrayed by this, and has been obsessing over it. She told me how she really liked her, and how she was really good with the twins. She told me they were very good to her, gave her the hours she wanted and paid her what she wanted (less than me), although she (the nanny) was very demanding and wouldn't do any extra work outside of simply caring for the babies. Being how the babies are sleeping for 4 hours total between the 8-4 timeframe this woman worked, that's half the working day.

Now, I am willing to do some housework, but I also told them I am not a housekeeper, and I don't expect anything other than the light housekeeping (loading/unloading dishwasher, doing a bit of vacuuming, taking out garbage and changing bags, etc) along with the normal cleanup that comes from the children's care, to be part of my official duties. Many times I will do things beyond light housekeeping, but that is on my own because I feel like it, and it's not something that is usually part of being a nanny. If you want your house cleaned, hire a housekeeper. She tried to give me windows. I told her no. 

She had me sweeping the front porch yesterday. The broom she gave me sucked, plus I am very bad at actual sweeping. This is not a joke. My brain has never been able to organize around how to sweep effectively. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. In my own home, I use floor vas and may sweep small spaces, or spot sweep.

The babies are on a strict schedule. Eat (that takes about an hour to implement), play and sleep. They get a bath every morning. Their naps are from 10-12 and from 2-4 (while I am there), and it doesn't matter if they wake up early, or don't wanna go down. They are in bed from those time periods, regardless.

The house is so NOT child friendly. I am holding my breath to see how that plays out. They have marble everything. Floors, counters. She says that water stains marble, and leaves water spots, so she is ultra obsessed with any spot of water on these surfaces. Mind you, these are surfaces she has chosen for her kitchen counters and her bathroom counters. You know, near sinks and liquid.

Talking to her has been ok, and she is very, very guarded. I've come to realize, tho, that she is someone who is hyper focused on someone's words and mannerisms, and constantly analyzing them for any perceived indication of the slightest negative view of her, or them. 

She's been asking me a lot about my last nanny family, and I have told her about how my job was there. I, personally, think it's a GOOD thing to be on good terms with past employers. I would think that shows how amiable I am, with various families. They seemed to think so too, but she seems to view it as a threat. Like, I think my last family is better. Like I want her and her husband to be like my last family, and am negatively comparing her and hubby to my last family. She said "you talk about them a lot and it seems you miss them."

I talk about them because she outright ASKS about them.

So, after that last statement, she went on to talk about how everyone they know are like them, and that they HAVE to be so regimented or life would be chaotic, and they wouldn't be able to function.

Ummmm......ok? I never questioned your way of life. My last family WAS somewhat chaotic. Well, actually, their household was downright chaos.

I've not asked them to be different than they are. She asked about my job there, and what it entailed and I told her. I pretty much had free rein. Their house isn't like that, and I can adapt to that. The families are different, and that's not negative. But she seems to view this as negative.

So, she asked me yesterday, "So, we are at the end of our first week. What do you think? How are you feeling?"

She asked.

I simply said, "It's very different than what I am used to, and I am still getting used to expectations."

This is true, and not bad. She just has so many rules, and before the family was like "yeah, whatever you wanna do, and however you wanna do it."

It's different, and so getting acclimated will take a bit longer as I learn her dos and don'ts and how tos.

She went on a ramble then, almost crying, really, about how she liked how she was, and they have to run their household this way or it would be chaos, etc etc......

I told her it wasn't negative, that all families are different and do what works for them, and that being "different" wasn't bad, it's just.....different. And different takes time to get used to, is all. It's like anything else, I told her. You get a new boss, and your new boss is different than your old one. It's not bad, but getting used to the different expectations can take a bit of time.

She said it was hard not to take it negatively, cuz it sounded like I loved my old family.

Yes, I did. WHY is that an issue?? I've only known you a week.

It was hard not to take negatively, because I talk so positively about them all the time.

Yes. But ONLY because you directly ASK me. I don't walk around and say "my previous family did it this way, or that way."

Not to mention, she told me that one of the interviewees they rejected BECAUSE she talked so badly about her previous families.

Later, I caught her in the laundry room and said, "Look, don't stress about this. Really."

Again, she almost started crying and was like "The last nanny just did us so badly, and we were really good to her. It's really kinda messed with my head, and I don't want to trust anyone else, or have to go through looking for childcare again."

I just replied with, "I don't want you to be upset and stressing over your perception of what you think I feel. Because, I don't feel negatively about you all. So please do not get yourself all worked up over what you think I am feeling."

Oy!

More.......

She doesn't work. And she doesn't really do much of anything else. I actually think part of the reason for my being there, other than to spare her having to take care of her children, is to also keep her company. She mentioned how she is almost never alone in the house. She has a lady who comes once a week and cooks for her for the week, all of her meals. She sits and talks to her and gossips (apparently they know many of the same people) while the woman is cooking. However, the day before the lady came this week, the mother tossed out all the food this woman had made from LAST week. She didn't eat it. As a matter of fact, she called me on the way to her house on Wed, asking me to stop by a fast food place for her. Yet, she complains about hubby eating nothing but junk, and I've not actually seen her eat any of the prepared food just for her from her personal cook and dietician.

When she leaves, she shops and comes back with a bunch of stuff for the house. 

She told me she "gets in trouble" for spending so much money.

She does nothing during the day but sit around on her phone. One day, she didn't get out of her pajamas until noon.

I mean, that last part I totally relate to! I don't get out of my pajamas either, if I can help it.

We will see how things progress. I am not certain if I will last in this job for long, but damn....the pay is really good.